Looking back on things is rough when you have unresolved feelings about what went on. Things you've often imagined yourself saying or doing to bring yourself closure, when you most likely will never get that opportunity. Closure is elusive.
Sometimes it's hard to not just say the things that fly through your mind. More often than not, it is much better that you don't. Because the thoughts we think in the heat of the moment are tainted with what ever emotion we are feeling. Once said out loud, they can never be taken away; the damage done.
So why can't I let go?
I have been hurt by mere words and petty actions, only because I allow myself to continue to feel those wounds. I have not treated them or let them be to heal. My mind constantly picking at old scabs.
Wondering... wondering is the worst, right?!?! I mean, we can drive ourselves crazy with "what ifs" but in the end we will never know what would have come to be had we just said something different or done something in another way. It is what it is, no changing that.
So again, why is it so hard to let go of hurt?
To turn your back absolutely on those who have caused you pain. Lessons learned... but the want for closure still lingers on.
Forgiveness can't be solely reliant on knowing the other party admits they were wrong... Forgiveness is on an individual basis. In order to forgive, I do not need to be forgiven.
Letting go... sounds so easy. But emotions create ties that have become much harder to sever.
I guess patience will be the key... but in the mean time waiting with the scars is somewhat bothersome.
